Thursday, 27 September 2012

Day 18: Marriage Tele-Retreat Cont'd

The Dating Divas are hosting a free 2-day Marriage Tele-Retreat. You can also pay $1 for a two-week trial to their Dating Divas Community to hear all the recordings of the speaking events.

Emotional Foreplay - Laura Brotherson

Goal: Create a relationship based on love, trust, and acceptance that naturally leads to intimacy and lovemaking. Women require some warm-up; they need to be talked into it and touched into it. The 24/7 kind of emotional foreplay will make it easier for women to decide to have sex. Instead of going from 0-60km/hr (in an hour or two), they'll only have to go from 30 or 40km/hr to 60km/hr.

This is because sex is a decision for women. It is a gift a woman gives her husband that is motivated by love and trust. Even if a woman feels loved and supported they still need to make a decision to have sex before they will want to have sex.

Her two quotes/lines:

Good sex is a learned behaviour. 

From those lines stem 3 things for husbands to do and 3 things for wives to do to begin to create emotional foreplay.

  1. Understand how vital the woman's emotions are. Read Ch 3, 4, & 5 from Laura's book And They Were Not Ashamed.

  2. Learn what makes your wife feel loved. Consider Daddywork (being a good Dad) and Housework. Be attentive to when you make your wife feel "less than"... desirable, beautiful, thin enough etc. Identify and focus on your wife's strengths. Text/email what you like/appreciate about what she does and who she is, regularly.

  3. Bridle passions so you don't seem needy/desperate sexually. Be non-chalant. The more men pursue sexually the more women retreat. The more women pursue emotionally the more men retreat. But the catch-22 is that men need sex to be emotionally intimate and women need emotional intimacy to have sex... So men communicate clearly and pursue your wife emotionally but don't overwhelm her. (Listen to Episode 58/59 Hungry Dog Syndrome on the Marital Intimacy Show)
  1. Understand your own sexual wiring. Read Ch 3, 4, & 5 from Laura's book And They Were Not Ashamed.

  2. Let go of anger/resentment (towards yourself and your spouse). Use Notebook Therapy: write letters to God and then thrown them out/shred them/burn them. This is meant as a processing and releasing of feelings.

  3. Do the best you can to be fit and attractive, then surrender the rest. (Listen to Episode 33, 34, 35, 36, & 37 on the Marital Intimacy Show)
Another Action Item: On a date night, write to one another 10 specific things that make you feel loved. Give your spouse the key to your heart.

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